Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mystic Meg & Experts Dazzle

In order to be an expert one must have studied very important subjects like the mating habits of a sea urchin; studied for a lot of years equally interesting subjects, including if canaries prefer Mozart or Queen whilst nest building; and have lots of interesting titles and letters after your name. Together with these qualities a couple of weekend courses with Mystic Meg will get you a title of "Government Expert".

Enter Professor Sir David King who has a grand title of Government Chief Scientist. In between episodes of EastEnders millions of fish and chip eating British cat owners were told that it was more likely they would get a win on a lottery ticket than catch H5N1. Magical numbers and figures dazzled reporters and the British public alike as Mystic Meg, who we all know was very fond of lottery tickets, pronounced that the British was safe from H5N1.

News reporters can be a cynical lot sometimes on account that they never get a winning lottery ticket so they all wandered into the office of another "Expert" called Professor Neil Ferguson. Biology and figures was right up Professor Ferguson's street as he is a Professor of Mathematical Biology at Imperial College, London and is a bit of a wizard on the subject of viruses. More magical numbers appeared to reinforce that warm happy feeling of safety that the British Public have become accustomed to from British Government experts. Professor or can we say Uncle Neil, perhaps with that warm knowing smile that the British Public have come to trust, then added that mystical touch, our Meg was always fond of, and said that H5N1 had taken on a "mythological status".

Our Experts have encouraged us to continue to buy lottery tickets and Bernard Matthew products whilst watching EastEnders. Needless to say the gentleman who will soon learn about his huge lottery win will be slightly upset at also being told he has also been infected with H5N1 and will be dead within 48 hours.

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