Thursday, March 02, 2006

Turtle Doves Die but the Partridge is Safe

At Christmas in England superstitious people, who Rome used to throw to the lions for their Saturday night entertainment, sing a song involving golden rings, pear trees and a variety of named birds. These devout people, who on a Sunday promote a sort of cannibalism eating the body and drinking the blood of a holy man, who must be now seriously regretting his profession of being a holy man rather than the safer job as an insurance salesman, must be seriously concerned that one of the birds they sing about are currently kicking the bucket in huge numbers in the African country of Mauratania. Turtle Doves are in the last few days singing their last song. And yes you guessed it H5N1 is getting the blame... or credit... depending on what side of the fence one is sitting on in the great debate of if H5N1 is being victimised or it is just being rather nasty to life in general.

Turtle Doves we are told like to gather around ponds for a nice chat as birds do, but unfortunately either they have had a slight disagreement with each other, or they had a gatecrasher on their little gathering. It is reported that there are "massive deaths" of Turtle Doves. The followers of the holy man, who would rather his followers would stop reminding him about the painful incident with the nails and the large piece of wood, will be pleased to learn that the Partridge in a Pear Tree was not mentioned as being a casualty in the latest report blaming H5N1.

French experts have been sending samples to various labs around Europe to determine who the gatecrasher was in the Turtle Dove convention. This has been forced upon experts because the Turtle Doves were unable comment on what happened on account of them being dead. Our heros in Weybridge, England will be on the case in the noble tradition of Holmes and Watson to track down this mystery gatecrasher.

Meanwhile Mystic Meg has said that if H5N1 is not contained in Western Africa it will go "rampant" into the rest of Africa. H5N1 must be pleased as it is getting a reputation of being "rampant" with the birds. Still Mystic Meg did not elaborate if the containing of H5N1 involved a cold shower or a weekend with Dot in EastEnders.

No comments: